the T point

the t point, is the title of the book i intend to write out of complete vacancy, it is useless, hopeless and the most boring piece of work anyone in their right senses should read. it is for those who have lost it and are as frustrated and pissed with the world im born in. infact it would be an ideal read when nothing makes sense and you have really cryed till your head aches and you wonder why you are born and try really really hard to make sense of the world around you but cannot. why so intelligent that i cannot harness it and what is the way ahead and why ahead. what is our obsession with ahead when there are 360 degrees of directions all around.the t point is the point at which the mind has to chose which direction to go in. continue crying, stop crying, or be fake and ignore you desperate need for explaination to the world around you. wht the mind doesnt know is that every point is the t point and what matters for the mind is the ability to stay,at a point irrespective of what is ahead of it.where do i go from here.so this is a book where the reader can decide for me where i can go from here, coz thre is no rule in the world that says that i write the story and you read it, im letting you imagine the story instead. everybody hurts and everybody sobs and there is dozen a dime sonnet but it feels like shit repeatedly and i am dedicating a book to encourage the most crappy feeling on earth the one where we are at the T point... my life sux and i dont c y i shud be euphimistic about the situation which generally stems from love & insecurity, and the abiliy of these 2 concepts to combine into a harrasment beyond my belief.the t point is the point at which hatred, disrespect for onself and all things around and much worse precipitate in to the stupidest situation for all those alive.the one where i delve into the detail reason of why in the fking bejeses should i be subject to misery, subjected upon me by myself for no fault of mine.

Feels Like Yesterday

Feels like yesterday I was still in school
I still can’t find my shoes.
Feels like Wednesday after lunch break
I get the midweek blues.
Feels like PT period is over,
when I walk that extra bit.
Feels like exams are round the corner
when we are making a pitch.

Feels like mom is saying relax
it’s not the end of the world.
Feels like we are gossiping in the ladies loo
and I’m still a college girl.
Feels like the same old cranky topic
when I think I’ve put on weight.
Feels like some legacies last forever
when i wake up early and still get late.

Feels like packing up the day’s work
should the weather become sweet.
Feels like I can’t wait for Friday
now that i have a 5 day week.
Feels like we didn’t clean the closet,
whenever I push the household chores.
Feels like a male version of my sister
and me now argue and keep scores.

Feels like the inter-house wars,
when meetings become fights.
Feels like I still haven’t learnt
when to shut up even if I’m right.
Feels like I’m packing for the picnic
when the offsite is next day.
Feels like my laptop is my rough book
& instead of studying I’m scribbling away…

- Raika Gazder, 5th Oct. 2011

Scan & Fix Raika

I’m just a machine in a god made world
sometimes I tend to be slow
I try to clean the junk in my recycle bin
but sometimes it just wont go

I hang like a laptop when the temperature’s too high
often my screen goes blank
sometimes the polite sentence I speak
is one of the default windows in my dialogue box bank

I’m on the edge when my batt is low
there are days when less than 7% is left
I hope that my master recharges my life
and he generally does with deft

I work really well and I am really prompt
I’d like to think im as tough as a an imac
even if boredom puts me on a standby mode
a lil nudge & im back

I think I am one of the quicker systems
god’s even given me a graphic card
I can entertain, paint, write and communicate
god shouldn’t have to find me very hard

I don’t think I will need to be formatted often
till date all the drives have worked fine
and most of the other systems in gods own network
are configured in sync with mine

Just like this laptop, that does all the hardwork
but doesn’t know why it exists
I question & wonder & ponder & blunder
alas! blasphemy I resist

Since no one can tell me why we i am born
even Rajkapoor just made a song
I will assume im important to the God who got me
after chasing his HR & admin really long

So just another machine in god’s made world
had some other work to do
but she went on a ‘scan & fix’ spree
and saved this ‘error report’ :) for you!!

he

He trys hard, if you give him a chance
He trys hard, even if he cant dance
He trys hard, if you are willing to wait
he trys hard if you have the faith
He trys more, he struggles within
he’s going on dealing with sin
he says all, only in his mind
he is rude, desperate to be kind
he cant help, he aint as sorted as you
he is he, not a woman like you
he trys hard, if you don’t make a face
he can read, he is just in space
he trys and fails when you he think he wont
he feels bad and you think he hasn’t yet learnt
he trys hard if you see it that way
he is sticking it out just like you
that’s his way of showing it’s true

deja vu

We have been thru the darkness of numerous fights
We have given up hope of ever seeing light
Im happy im shining like when I first met you
the gloom seems its fading, love seems as good as new

There are many fears that mould my thoughts
all that can be and all that is not
I give up on small things without a clue
I feel like believing in us again and in you

I don’t know where it came from that cloud of despair
creeped up on me one day, seemed beyond repair
I thought I had lost the man I once knew
maybe it was me, but today the moment feels true

i hope this euphoria stays for ever more
& the crazy moments are more than ever before
it changes perception, perspective and view
a pure piece of heaven this deja vu

the silence of an awake mind

When the day has gone
and the night creeps in
reminding you of all that’s been
when the tiredness drains from your spine
that sickening silence of an awake mind
The mind the counts the goods and bads
the mind that fights the lows and sads
it knows so well to see in the dark
every memory becomes so stark
When the snoring rhythm comforts you
or the far off honking comes floating through
you know you lay there few more hours
you know sleep is more precious then stars
but the awake mind will keep its pace
you think it all out in that endless space
You can go past and future all at once
no wavelength setting needed, no tolerance
the random thots that occur and pass
the deeper ones that always last
Some same old memories
some very new
some that you have shared
some you will take with you
for the mind will catch you in solitude
it needs no permission to be rude
it doesn’t ask when it creates self doubt
it doesn’t care when it makes a cloud
when the lights are out its still the same
sometimes even the chatter can’t stop the train
The train of thot that follows you,
it will come again when the day is thru

when the all is done, whenever that may be
everyone feels like you n me
counting all the highs and lows
gauging all the fasts and slows
planning, wishing, thinking still
of all the ‘can’s and all the ‘will’s
of all the ‘why’s and all the ‘how’s
a moment of giving yourself the vows
slumber will creep in with the night
your agile mind will give it a fight
wake up ugly, sticky n with swollen eyes
sleep is the blessing without disguise

it's ur birthday

it is your birthday
time to make a plan
take a latern n go searching
for the perfect man

the only place where there are
perfect men, is mars
you are born on earth
so just tolerate the arse !!

raika - 17/09/2010

just the pain that she's gone

just the pain that she's gone keeps hurting me..
n i have been hurt not once but twice
it is no consolation... to know that a couple of more times wont either be nice

the world thinks a poet is hapless
and sees all things with an emotional eye
but for the million words iv written so senseless
you should tolerate the few of when i cry

just the thought that im grown, keeps haunting me
n iv grown up without no choice
how id wish to stay 11 forever
or even 5 to be precise

the world thinks that whimpering is weakness
yet they find it so cute when we're born
its hypocrisy caused be a race so suspicious
of being judged or joked about or scorned

just the fact that it’s ok, keeps pissing me
the apathy to death that i display
don't tell me we went to the moon & back
tell me why you can't help it any way

the world thinks that 'god' is the answer
for all things they can't really say
so don't make a smart point in the meeting rooms
you will stand quiet in the funeral any way ...

- raika 23/3/11, 12:27 am